The door of DENIAL

I stand before the door labelled DENIAL.

The hand on the knob shivers
The heart sees Fear and Dread, scrambling to run far,
"Run towards anywhere else but this doorstep!" they screamed in protest.
Yet Will rooted the feet to the ground and
Hope whispered, "Maybe it won't be as bad as you fear it to be..."

I turn the knob...
Shame weighed heavily on my wrists.
I freeze for some time,
searching, understanding...
Said hello to Fear, Dread, Shame and Hope.

"You are my friends for now and you all have equal right to be here.
But we can't all pass through this door.
So, Hope, come with me...
for You give me the most strength, the most light to see and sense the dark."

I peeked through that dreaded door and witnessed with the light of Hope...

... Pain and Suffering
She had tears flowing down her cheeks as she recalled...
the holidays she spent at the hospital,
the atrocities of a flawed healthcare system,
her father's weary, sunken eyes
her mother's despair and tears
her own helplessness to solve it all... unbearable


... Doubt and Guilt
They sat across each other in banter
"She could have spent more time with her father..."
"She should have learnt to be more attentive, earlier..."
"She should have buried her ego and forgone the work..."
They came to the conclusion:
"Indeed, we could have done better"


... Vulnerability and Mercy
They spotted me peering through the door.
Vulnerability held out her hands and I held on tight
The door of denial opened and I stepped in
Mercy said, "Come sit with me." With that,
I crumbled at her feet and cried till I was empty.


Mercy cupped her hands and said a prayer,
"O Allah, You have decided,
that her father's time on Your Created Earth has ended,
his purpose, fulfilled.

Help her through this struggle... this struggle of letting go
Of the form of her father that she was used to all her life
The quiet pillar which held up her family.

Help her embrace her own humanity...
All of Fear, Dread, Shame, Pain, Suffering, Doubt, Guilt...
Even of her own Death.

And grant her Your Mercy as she learns
How to truly live her purpose, as You have Ordained.

Ya Rabbal 'Alamin...


Mercy wiped the tears off my cheeks
Kissed me on the forehead and said,
"Look, there is no label of denial on the door any more."

I looked up and to my surprise,
I see in fact, no door, no room.
The heart is open... to simply Be.